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Frequently Asked Questions

When should I send a grief care package?

Many customers wish to send a package in time for a funeral or memorial service. This is always possible with the right shipping options, but not always necessary for the bereaved. Keep in mind, that if they are hosting a funeral or very recently experienced a loss, the stress and number of flowers, cards, or food may be overwhelming.

Another option is to send a care package a few days or weeks after a funeral. This time can be the hardest because friends and family have left town and often the bereaved have returned to work and attempting life as “normal.” This is when deep grief sets in, and support can be really needed.

Truly, though, Tender Heart Tools can be sent anytime you wish to send support. There is no “wrong” time to tell a friend you are thinking of them, loving them, or acknowledging them by sending tools to nurture their healing process.

Is it possible to create a custom care package? I like different items from different packages.

Yes. Send a quick email to about which items and card you would like in your package. If you would like guidance about which tools to use, it can help to send us a little description about the situation and the message you wish to convey to your loved one. That way we can give you the best possible options for the person healing.

Also, if you would like to change the tone of any package, we are happy to do that as well. The best example of this is for someone going through cancer treatment. Almost all the items can work to help heal and support chemo, and we are happy to change the descriptions and card to one of healing and recovery rather than grief.

Can I switch out the card if I prefer a different one?

Absolutely. Sometimes a certain card fits a situation more appropriately, or better conveys what you what to say. If you’d like to switch the greeting card with your order, you can mention which card in the “gift message” section during checkout, or email for availability.

 We also provide blank cards that simply have Tender Heart Tools written on the front. This can be perfect for a coworker or someone you aren’t as close with but still want to connect and reach out. 

How will the recipient know what these products are or how to use them?

Each Tender Heart Tools care package comes with a postcard that contains descriptions and instructions for each item.

What do I say or write to someone experiencing grief?

This is a big question we struggle with when sending a condolence gift. Most of us are not given the language to talk about grief, and it can feel really scary or intimidating to reach out to someone. We are very fearful about saying the “wrong” thing, or making them feel worse.

Know that the worst thing we can do is to not say anything at all. As hard or uncomfortable as it might be, simply acknowledging that someone is going through grief or hardship has an incredibly positive effect on the heart.

The best rule of thumb when you do reach out is to let the person know you love them, support them, and are here for them. “I’m so sorry for your loss” is a common phrase, but gets said so often that it loses meaning and doesn’t necessarily convey your love or support for the bereaved. Here are a few ideas for what to say, and a few thoughts about what to avoid when sending a sympathy message:

Great options for a supportive message:

“Sending all my love and support to you during this time. I’m here for anything you need.”

“I hope this care package brings some comfort and peace during this difficult time.”

“Your (name of person they have lost) was so loved, and so are you. We are here for you.”

“Thinking of you and holding you in my heart.”

“Whatever you are feeling, and whenever you are feeling it, it’s O.K.”

Phrases to avoid:

“Everything happens for a reason.”

"They would have wanted it this way."

"They're in a better place."

"You are young, you'll find someone else/can still have another child"

"At least...."

Resources and Articles 

What to Say (and What Not to Say) to Someone Who is Grieving

How To Write a Condolence Message

12 Meaningful Condolence Message Ideas